I miss being able to blog every day.... even if no one reads it... First off, I want to thank everyone who remembered my birthday.... the emails and messages were the highlight of my otherwise boring day.... Daniel had to work and the kids were at school.... you know, I didnt even think anyone would bother with it, so it was nice to check my email and read all the niceness... I, as always, was in a funk on my birthday..... I never talk bad about Daniel on here b/c I love him so much, but it would have been nice to be able to blow out a candle and be sung "happy birthday" to.... he did make me chocolate cupcakes, so at least I got that.... such is life, I guess.... (and while Im whining).... did you know that Ive only ever had one birthday party in my whole life.... I always find it depressing that everyone wants to celebrate that day, but no one wants to celebrate my birthday..... again, such is life.... Since my birthday, and the new year began, i have my ups and downs.... this week, especially yesterday, has been down.... a 2 year old girl that I have been praying for that has cancer.... she passed away on Saturday.... and I found out yesterday, that an old boyfriend from high school passed away on Sunday - the funeral is this Saturday.... he was only 32.... he just got married last year... Im full of mixed emotions.... and when Im in a funk, I get down on myself.... why is that? I wonder why people dont like me - Im nice, Im fun.... but it seems no one notices.... I want to be one of those people that everyone loves and pines over..... but it seems that besides my height (that everyone loves to point out!), I am utterly forgetable..... not someone you want to keep in touch with.... not the first person you think to tell your good news to.... or even get consolation from for your bad news if I faded into the darkness would anyone even notice you know, I really dont know why Im whining.... if it were in my power, I would become a hermit and never speak to anyone..... ok, not totally true - I would be a full-time photographer and interact with all my clients and be cute and smiley and wonderful..... and then I would come home and never go out.... until my next session.... its true.... if I won/inheritied/gained/whatever a large sum of money, I would: quit my job, become a full-time photographer, and otherwise, sit at home all day.... hmmmm.... maybe that is why people dont like me.... Im boring.... Im 30..... I feel like an adult, and yet, I feel like people still look at me like a child.... I wish I could be taken seriously.... Seriously.... If anyone reading this (which would be no one, Im guessing - Im boring remember)..... and you feel guilty b/c you didnt remember my birthday.... then I desperately, desperately want this.... http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=sr_gallery_3&listing_id=11687536 ... but I cant justify the cost to Daniel..... or myself really..... its so gorgeous, but I feel bad spending money on myself when there are so many other ways that my money can be doing good for someone else.... Maybe that is why people dont like me.... I dont even value myself.... of course, thats not really true.... I am a selfish, selfish person.... Evidenced by this random, whiny blog entry that serves no real purpose other than just letting me whine.... whine, whine, whine.... | 
True